Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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