No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
