No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
