My first STD was from a foam party
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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