I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
