Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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