Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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