Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
