we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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