Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
