if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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