please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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