it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
