He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize