have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
