you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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