Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
