I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
