Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize