Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
