So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
