i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
