I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
