I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
