I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
