took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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