I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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