is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
