Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
