like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
