I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
