I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
