my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
