I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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