So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
