And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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