After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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