He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
