u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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