i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
