I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
