I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
