I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
