i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
