My hand turned me down
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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