'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
