There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
