I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
