Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
