9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
