I smell stomach acid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?