I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT