I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR