Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.