why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
