Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
