Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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