dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
