No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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